As we, Nagarathars embark into the next century…

- Ambal Saravanan, BE, MBA, Valayapatti

 

What do we stand for?

 

Ask anyone who has interacted with Nagarathars as to what are our differentiating factors. You wouldn’t be surprised to get common answer, which encompass any of the following:

 

1. Honesty, Integrity, Discipline and Hospitality are inculcated in our blood
2. We are Economical with good savings habit planning for long term
3. We are popular for Philanthropy, building temples, schools and colleges enhancing belief in God and education across the globe
4. We have a strong culture and good value system which drive our behavior

 

All of the above provide an Identity for Nagarathars in addition to the expertise in Business.  Now let’s look at where are we today in this fast paced world where westernization has a great influence in everyone’s life.

 

Where are we today?

 

It is great to feel good about our laurels of the past and dream about the future. At the same time, it is critical to step back and do a self assessment from the bottom of our heart.

 

Today’s world is fully materialistic and has been conquered by fantasies that have taken us a

Roller coaster ride to a new thrill. Whilst lot of people now earn more money and have a more affluent lifestyle, divorce rates are increasing day by day. Personally I think that Westernization is leading to a wholesale degradation of the Nagarathar way of life. The sad part is that this happens unconsciously but at a faster pace.

 

What is the Deeper Cause?

 

Why are divorce rates increasing in our community?

 

    ?  

 

 

On reflecting, I see the following 4 main reasons:

 

1. Dowry and ‘Murai’ formalities
2. Increasing Ego levels
3. Gap between Rich and poor is increasing
4. Lack of awareness of our culture amongst kids

Let’s dwell a bit deeper into each of these causes…

 

1. Dowry

 

There are very few people in the community who would accept in public that "demanded" dowry is ethical and appropriate. Let’s now analyze the reasons:

 

1. Dowry has become a status symbol and is considered to be prestigious.
2. There is a saying that Marriages are made in heaven. But the way how marriages are held these days in our community are to show the money power of the bride and the bride groom’s family background.
3. Cost of education is increasing at an exponential rate. Hence those who invest in education for boys look at marriages as an opportunity to get back the money.

 

2. Increasing Ego Levels

Parents who invest in education for their girls wait for her to earn for her own marriage expenses.  The salary that the girl gets in the first 2 years is way ahead of their parents. This raises the Girl’s Ego level resulting is loss of respect for elders and they get influenced by the fantasies of Westernization.

 

Unfortunately when the girl has same Ego level after marriage, it affects her life.  Either she decides to choose her life partner herself or she is not willing to compromise with her spouse.   This Ego level and earning capacity induces women to apply for divorce as early as 2 weeks!!! Alas, where is our community going!!!??? Aren’t our women known as the glue that creates bonds in families?

 

3. Gap between Rich & Poor:

 

Financial background of families becomes the basic criteria for marriages.  This obviously results in Rich getting richer and the Poor becoming poorer. Boys and their parents need to come forward to be willing to marry girls based on their character and talents rather than on financial background.

 

4. Lack of awareness for kids

Current generation kids hardly get an opportunity to attend our community functions like ‘Padaippu’, ‘Pillayar Nonbu’, ‘Magar Nonbu’, … which are great events to know the culture and socialize. Working parents don’t find time to educate their children about values of our community. All they get to hear is about the ‘Murai’ related formalities and the sufferings that the girl’s parents go through to get a girl married. This creates an aversion against our culture for these kids at an adolescent age.

 

Kids get more exposure to Westernization through media like Television, Movies, Magazines … These combined drives them to have freedom of choosing their own Life partners in any caste resulting in Love marriages.

 

 

 

What could happen in 50 years?

 

“If the rate of change on the outside exceeds the rate of change on the inside, the end is near.”
- Jack Welch

 

As the contest topic aptly conveys that there is an alarming rise in divorce rate and rapid westernization in India, there could be a major impact if we don’t proactively do something about it. For a moment, let’s visualize what worst could happen if we don’t act today?

 

1. We would lose our Identity as Nagarathar Community
2. Our Value system would have got eroded and we would have become victims to this materialistic world
3. Inter Caste Marriage would become a norm
4. Divorce would become an easy option for future generation and re-Marriages will increase
5. Our future generation would be confused unable to draw the line between Western culture and our culture not being able to move to either ends resulting in chaos everywhere.

 

We have started to sense the influence of Westernization in our families. While it is good news for economic development and upliftment of the life style of our families and future generation, we shouldn’t lose sight of the basic values.  The Value system and our Identity are ‘Great Assets’ that our ancestors have left behind with us. Isn’t it our responsibility to preserve and cascade the same to the next generation?

 

What is needed is a sense of Urgency and responsibility to sustain the values that our community stands for… Let’s see if there are proactive Quick wins that could be triggered in this century…

 

How do we preserve our culture and community?

 

India is a country with rich culture and our own Nagarathar traditions, value system are unique. We have witnessed that our community has adapted to the external changes. A marriage reducing from 1 week to 2 days is a classic example.

 

Here are few suggestions on how we could preserve our culture and community:

 

• Parents / Grand parents should spend time to create awareness about our culture to our kids who will drive our community behavior in next generation. We should make it a point to take our kids to attend functions in our native place amidst the busy life.
• Parents should influence the dress, style of their kids from a young age.
• Nagarathar Sangams are donating for education of poor students. These need to be encouraged and followed by many more Sangams.
• Nagarathar Sangams should conduct contests, competitions on topics related to our culture. We should also encourage debates and discuss in public for critical topics like these to find real solutions.
• We should digitize our tradition and culture and make them available through Videos / websites. Formalities about our culture could be uploaded to Website so that they act as Ready Reckoner for future generation in any country.
• Expert advise on traditions could be made available through online chats
• We need to reverse the mindset about Dowry system. Rather than being looked at as a Status symbol, publicity should be done for marriages conducted with Simplicity. We should create visibility for the boy and his parents for being revolutionary against Dowry.
• Our customs and traditions should be followed typically other than any money transactions under the term "Murai". For those who opt to conduct a wedding without Dowry, all related formalities should be redefined. Simple marriages should be accepted and appreciated by the society.
• Counseling should be done for Girls and boys before marriage. They need to appreciate the benefits of mutual understanding and compromise as compared to preserving their Self Esteem and Ego levels.
• Any issue when discussed could be addressed easily amongst couples. Lack of discussion makes the bubble bigger and bursts in the form of divorce one day. Husband and wife need to discuss frankly and arrive at common solution.
• Counseling can be provided for couples by elders from Nagarathar Sangams when they can’t sort out issues amongst themselves. Confidentiality would help avoid the problem blowing up between families.

I believe westernization is good and unavoidable but we should also preserve our culture and hold on to our values and beliefs… I am sure that we have inherited a tradition and discipline that will embark for another hundred years if take right steps and act immediately.

 

“We must become the change we want to see. “
- Mahatma Gandhi

 

I urge each one of you to take an oath as a New Year resolution on how you would help preserve our community and culture. I have taken my oath. How about you?