Dowry refers to the gift in the form of money, goods, and/or property that a girl brings to her husband in marriage. It is also known as kanyadhan (kanya – daughter and dhan – gift) or streedhan (stree – girl and dhan – gift) meaning the gift offered to the woman at the time of marriage. Nagarathars call it, seerdhanam or simply seedhanam.

The practice of giving away gifts has been in wide use across the world since the Roman age. Originally, the reason for dowry to come to existence was to provide a ―seed money or property‖ to the newly-weds for the establishment of a new household. Then it evolved and provided social security to women and her children in case of adversity or unforeseen circumstances after marriage. The parents willingly gave whatever they could give to their daughters (and consequently to the groom‘s family) for this purpose.

However, in recent times, the term has lost its original luster and purpose, and it has gotten increasingly commercialized and narrowly used to show off one‘s wealth, power, and pride. The widespread abuse of the practice has virtually eroded and aborted the safety net for women and has led to calling the marriage as an event of trade rather than the union of two hearts!

Today, it is saddening to note that because of dowry (or rather, lack of it), engagements break before marriage takes place; weddings abruptly stop in the middle; and disputes after marriage lead to divorce. In certain cases, dowry demands lead to women‘s death! It has deteriorated to a point where the prospective groom and his family become greedy. The more educated a man is, better is his earnings prospects, and so, higher is the expectation for dowry!

It is in fact astonishing to note that this social evil continues to happen especially when women play increasingly an important role in all walks of life – be it in business, administration, politics, or military.

What can we – as responsible members of the society – do to eradicate the evils of the dowry system and uplift the women‘s pride? How can you, as a future responsible member of this society – play a role in leading the change and reversing the trend?

Should you refuse to marry if dowry is being given or taken? Could governmental regulations or rigid enforcement of such regulations resolve the crisis? Should you start or join a movement that fights against dowry? Are any or combination of these a remedy for the present dismal condition?

The entrenched malaise may be fought at two levels:

 First, our convictions must drive us not to participate in its perpetuation, i.e., we must ourselves avoid this practice. In some ways, this is easy to accomplish.

 Second, ensure that this attitude is passed on to the rest of the nation, which is far more difficult, easier said than followed. It has to be fought systematically and comprehensively. This means that we must encourage better legislation, urge greater punishment, fund proper rehabilitation centers and services, educate girls more, and many other things. These changes are not wrought overnight, but they can be addressed, if we have will and begin well.

Let‘s not forget the fact that dowry, when it was introduced, had a clearly defined purpose – to serve as a security for women in case adverse situations. And, it was willingly given and not forcibly taken!

In the modern world, where increasingly more and more women learn, work, and earn, one may argue that the concept of social security (to women) is not relevant. If one were to take into consideration the fact that even in most developed nations such as the U.S., only about 30% of women have attained bachelors degree or higher (as of 2008), then it is apparent that dowry – as it was originally meant for – is still relevant in today‘s world.

So, the question becomes how one would find a remedy to the present calamity so that women‘s interests as well as rights are protected. Here are some of the tips for our (and future) generations:

 If you are a boy readying to get married, influence your parents to look for a girl for her modesty, values, and virtues rather than for the fortunes that she will bring. If seerdhanam is indeed offered willingly, stash away that money in the name of your wife for her future security.

 If you are a girl, ensure that your prospective better-half believes in the same core values that you believe in. If seerdhanam is indeed offered willingly, stash away that money for your own future security.

 If you are a groom's parent, look for a daughter-in-law for the values that she believes in – not the values that she brings in.

 If you are bride‘s parent, look for a son-in-law who wants to stand on his own feet, who does not seek or desire for other people‘s money.

 If you are a parent, do not advertize or talk in public about the seerdhanam that you may offer willingly to your children.

 If you are a friend of parent whose child is getting married, do not ask your friend about the seerdhanam that was (to be) given or received.

 If you are an adult, do not talk or encourage gossip about seerdhanam.

Let us summarize our observation here: No governmental regulation or mass movement will, or can, completely eradicate the deep-rooted malaise, unless there is a mental shift (from materialistic values to core values) that occurs within people. Remember, you did not bring anything to begin with. It is perhaps appropriate to quote here, the words of Lord Krishna uttered to Arjun right before the Kurukshetra battle:

You did not bring anything,

whatever you have, you received from here.

Whatever you have given, you have given only here.

Whatever you took, you took from God.

Whatever you gave, you gave to Him.

You came empty handed, you will leave empty handed.